Floodgates

The floodgates have opened.

I have been preparing myself for this time for awhile. My GG is old, and in the past few years suffered a couple strokes. She has been in a nursing home, and if you could have known her-it just doesn't fit.

She has taken a dive and I will most likely be getting a call any time that she has passed to the other side of the veil.

I am overwhelmed with many feelings. I am happy because her suffering will be over. She will get to be mobile again and I know she will be back to her chipper self. She will get to see her beloved husband (whom she lost to black lungs disease over 30 years ago). She never did re-marry. I am sad because I will no longer be able to go and visit, hug her, get a candy out of her candy dish or have her call me ashy. I am ashamed because I never gave her the letter I wrote to her and the Book of Mormon that I wrote my testimony in. I only hope that she will forgive me. I just know that she will except this marvelous gospel once she gets to the other side.

Geraldine Sandy McCormick was an amazing woman.

She was happy, youthful, beautiful and so loving to all those around her. She use to let me sleep with her in her bed whenever we would go to visit her in Caldwell. When the trains would come at night, ( and I would get scared) I would cuddle up next to her. I still can remember her sweet smell. I would wake up to the smell of her Folgers coffee, and wander out to the kitchen table. She would set out her colored bowls and cups, bagels, English muffins and cereal. I can't remember a time in all my life I did not wake up to a freshly prepared breakfast when she was around.

GG ( grandma gerry) always had a dish of candy by her front door. Her children, grandchildren and the whole entire neighborhood knew it. They would ring the doorbell anytime of day and "get a candy from gerry."

GG had a little stand above her bathroom by the back door. On the top shelf she had toilet paper and washrags. On the next shelf she had her curling irons. When below that held a little tray with her combs and brushes. Her lipsticks ( big and miniature's) which were usually in shades of red, corals and pinks where stood up, lining the front of the shelf with her perfume behind them. If I was lucky when a miniature lipstick would run low-she would give it to me.

I could go on and on about all of my memories like her deep freezer in the scary basement full of Popsicles, or the ping pong table and miniature organ. The linoleum covered stairs with the thin rail to the basement, the 1940 style fridge full of any soda you could imagine, and the pictures and glass cups and pitchers displayed behind the kitchen table. Or the phone with the chair below it, with the stereo off to the right- her ancient TV, the chair that twinks always slept in with her bible on the side table. I miss the red carpet in the guest room that was as long as my bangs, the flowered sheets on that bed, and the water basin and pitcher that sat on the beautiful makeup hutch with the oval mirror. I could go on about my memories of grandma putting on her nylons with gloves to make sure they didn't get runs, our Saturday run to McDonald's for breakfast, Albertson's runs for soda or ice cream, our countless trips to jade gardens and the multiple meals eaten on the back patio with the clothes line spinning around in circles when the wind blew.

GG, I love you. I love with all of my heart. I wish with everything in my body that I could just give you one last kiss and a squeeze.

I just called my mom to see how she was doing. She said that they had given her a dose of morphine and that she was out of it. I asked her to put the phone up to her ear. I told her that it was me, and that I loved her so much. I told her again that I loved her so SO much. I sobbed. Then she started to mumble. She said " I love you ashy poo." I could barely understand it, but I did. That sweet little voice. I told her that I will see her again soon and that I will miss her so much. She mumbled a few more words and then my mom got on the phone. She said that she knew it was me and that she just kept mumbling that " I love you ashy poo." I honestly thought this would be easier.

I am going to miss her more than I could ever explain. She is the only grandma that I have ever really really known. My other grandmother passed away when I was around 10, and my two newer grandma's ( Hansen and Quanstrom) have both passed.

GG, please forgive me for not having enough courage to give you the letter and a Book of Mormon. I was so afraid that you would not except it, or that you would be angry with me. I am confident that my GG will know the savior when she meets him. She was such an example of Christ's love my entire life. We are both Christians and I know that he will be so proud of her accomplishments, her love towards others and her love and devotion to him.

GG I love you. My sweet sweet Grandee. xoxoxoxoxo.