These past two days have been some of the most emotional days I have ever experienced.
Almost two weeks ago I was blessed with fabulous news.
Dane and I were expecting our third bundle.
We were shocked, ecstatic, and overwhelmed with gratitude.
I had been suspecting this for a couple weeks as I was hungry all the time, bloated, moody and was lacking a little visit from my friend flow.
I had been suspecting this for a couple weeks as I was hungry all the time, bloated, moody and was lacking a little visit from my friend flow.
Life went on as usual but I had an extra little spring of joy in my step.
Three days a go we told our children. Rafe was so excited. He couldn't wait, he wanted me to go to the doctor to have the baby right then.
Yesterday I went for my 12 week check up. I had my first ultrasound.
No heartbeat. After a little bit more invasive ultrasound, and blood work we found that the baby had passed away.
The pain I felt, and as I feel as I type is overwhelming.
My hands shake, and my heart is broken.
The tears I shed help me to realize my mission on this earth even more.
I was sent here to bring children to this earth and to raise them in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Even though I shed tears now as I type, and as I am sure for a few more days to come; there are a few things that will sew up the broken pieces of my heart.
My two precious, sweet children
I have two.
Two precious, tender, loving, HEALTHY, firecracker babies that have been given to me.
They bring the brightest light into my life-and they are lighting the darkness around me now.
I have been blessed with an angel man who loves me.
Who makes me laugh, and after 6+ years of marriage still gives me butterflies when he kisses me just that right way. He is my anchor, and my knot that I hang on to when dark days appear.
I love him, and his kisses that grace my eye lids when I cry mend so much of my pain.
My savior.
My savior.
Who has felt all that I am feeling.
He is carrying me.
He is carrying the yolk that my burdens may be light.
I love him and only pray that I can become like him.
A quote that means everything in the world to me right now:
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil. You must never forget that.When disappointment and discouragement strike, and they will, you must remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our aid, those of us who are of Abraham’s seed."
I may not see them, but I feel them all around me.
13 comments:
I'm so sorry. I know how difficult it can be to miscarry. How special you are to have your two beautiful kids and awesome husband to support you through this difficult time.
I am so sorry Ashleigh. I went through the same thing with my third pregnancy. I didn't want to get out of bed for a week and it was so hard to go through. It really made me appreciate having the gospel in my life and grateful for the plan of salvation. I wish you were here so I could hug you! I am so glad that you have Dane; Kenin's love and support is what carried me through. Love you tons, and I miss you & the kiddos.
OH Ash... I'm so sorry. What you wrote was simply beautiful, and that last quote had me crying. It is clear to me that your priorities are straight, and that the strength of those you rely on, and your own, will get you through this. Sending you prayers for peace and love and comfort. HUGS, T
you're a strong, wise woman. i always knew that even if i was only blessed with one, i could handle anything. you are doubly blessed.
know you are loved by so many people.
especially your two sweet babies.
i am sure that after a period of mourning you will continue to be the amazing mother and wife we all know you are.
sending love your way....
You comment is so true, no matter what we go through, we were sent here for a purpose. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and Dane in my prayers.
i'm so sorry to hear that :( i couldn't imagine how you are feeling right now! please let me know if you ever need to talk or just vent :(
I don't know what to say except I absolutely love you Ashleigh and my heart is broken for you. But I LOVE your comforting words, that quote and I am amazed by your strength! I will see you tomorrow morning.
I am so sorry Ashleigh. U will be in my thought and prayers xoxoxo
I'm so sorry! It doesn't seem fair to lose the little ones. Thank goodness for eternal families.
Ash I have been trying to call you. Sooooo sorry. Love you forever. Please call.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first little baby and still think about it...four years later. You seem to have a great perspective on things right now. You're in my thoughts!
:( I'm so sorry...One of my biggest fears of becoming pregnant is the no heartbeat at an ultrasound. You are so strong though and it sounds like you are doing better at least than you were. I hope you heal quickly, physically and emotionally. I love your post by the way. Very inspiring! :) We love you guys, be happy :)
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