an Epifany.

After a 911 call and a ride to the E.R. in a rig I have had an epifany.

I have felt a bit down these past two days. I have felt so many emotions. Guilty for yet again ending up in the E.R.. For putting my husband through it. For yet again having my Mother-In-Law ( who is amazing) come down to my house to watch the kids. Angry at my body for giving out...yet again. Shame for getting sick. I know that to the outside person, these feelings might sound outrageous. Like okay Ashleigh, come on...you can't control it.
I know I get that, but I still feel it.

Then this morning I had these overwhelming promptings. I remember a few visits back with doc. Heder. He was explaining to me ( after I was sobbing to him about feeling so mad/sad about my body.) that just like a human with a physical disability, the savior went through the atonement for me. That someday I will be completely healed as well. That my body and my mind will be healed because of the atonement.
1. I feel so lucky that I have a LDS doctor who I feel comfortable enough with that we can cry together and have such a deep office visit.

2. I feel so lucky that the Savior cared enough for me to bleed from every poor, hang from a cross and die for me so that I can be healed.

3. I am so lucky to have been raised in a home where my testimony of my Savior could be nurtured.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Christ. To me, his face looks so sweet. Like he is full of sympathy and love. Begging for us to come to him so that he can take on our burdens.

I wanted to share this because I don't think I express it enough how much I love our savior. I am so grateful for all of the things that I have been given. My children, my husband, my mom and dad, my in-laws, my sisters, my friends, the knowledge of the gospel. I just wanted each of you to know, that I know that Jesus Christ died for us. That he knows all of our pains and our struggles. I know that he will help us and make our burdens light if we just ask for that help. I know that he lives.

I am in the primary presidency in my ward. On Sunday, I was giving sharing time about the nativity, and Samuel the Lamanite. We talked a lot about the star and the signs of Christ's birth. I was so overwhelmed with love. With love for Mary for carrying him and for being a mother to such a sacred child. Filled with love for Joseph. We sing this song about Joseph being the "earthly" father of Jesus. How he closed his shop, took Mary on a donkey and stayed by her side in the stable. That he was so meek and so humbled to have that great responsibility to be the guardian of Mary's sacred child. I just kept thinking, what a great man. I have never given it much thought to think of Joseph, but I was so overwhelmed with love for him while teaching those little children.

I just wanted to write down the impressions that I have felt this Christmas season. I just want my friends and family to know a small piece of my testimony.